Supporting our children when they are upset – sad, angry, frustrated, disappointed – is one of the hardest aspects of parenting.

So if you’re struggling, know you’re not alone.

Emotions are the safeguards of our lives.

And most of us weren’t sent the message as children ourselves that it’s safe to feel angry or sad.

So when our kids are experiencing high emotions, it’s hard to support them.

Their emotions can easily activate our own high emotions.

During times of emotional dysregulation, the thinking/ problem solving/emotionally regulating part of our brain goes offline.

Very often, parents are trying to make and implement plans in the moment of high stress or flipped lid.

Learning how to support yourself, practice skills and make plans in calm and connected moments is the game changer.

Here are 5 Things You Can Check In with when Your Kids are Emotionally Dysregulated:

1.)  Are basic needs met?

If not, can I meet the need to provide emotional safety?  Or if I can’t meet the need at the moment, how can I lower expectations to focus on calm, positive relationship, and providing emotional safety?  Instead, parents are trying to discipline when emotions are high, which is almost always ineffective.

2.) Am I/or is my child highly sensitive, fiery &/or are strong-willed?

Temperament is a huge piece of the puzzle of emotional dysregulation as well as honoring sensory needs. Awareness and acceptance of who you and your children are is key and is the foundation for any emotional plan development. Use this Temperament Tool to learn more.

3) Are my childhood experiences being activated?

Circle of Security has a video called Shark Music that explains how the way our parents responded to us can become the background music for how we respond to our children. In this case, if you’re unmet, emotional needs from childhood are being activated by your children’s Behavior, compassion for yourself is key.

#4) Do we know how to express and integrate our emotions in safe, positive, and healthy ways?

This is an entire skill set that most of us are missing from our own childhood experiences that lays the foundation for a healthy, emotional development. Most of us as parents today are teaching ourselves these skills, while we’re also teaching our children. It’s a lot! Happy Home builds the foundation of healthy emotional development in your family based on your cultural and family values.

#5) Do we all feel a positive sense of self and empowerment?

Force, control, and manipulation will cause emotional dysregulation in children. If you’re falling back on these tactics, you simply need more support. Because when you’re in a place of empowerment and positive sense of self, you naturally develop this in your children. Please have compassion for yourself, your kids, and your daily life reality.

Parenting isn’t easy, especially when so many of us are changing negative cycles we inherited from previous generations and we’re impacted by the 500+ years of colonized, fear-based discipline. Follow these Decolonized Parenting experts here and  here.

Save these reminders to support yourself and your kids when emotions are high.

What is the top challenge to supporting emotions in your family?

Sending lots of love and support on your parenting journey!

P.S. All the parenting wisdom in the world is already within you. Yet, this generation needs a different set of tools and guidance than the fear-based model of discipline we were raised with. Happy Home bridges the gap. Start your Happy Home journey here today for just $9. Or to learn about the full 8 – 12 week Happy Home Coaching experience, schedule your complimentary consultation here.